July 18, 2007

The Bacon Sandwich of Regret

Since tonsillectomy recovery is now speeding along quite nicely, meds are leaving my system, and any day now I'm going to fully recover my judgment and vegan principles along with my voice, I decided yesterday to give in to my unbridled food fantasies. I had a BLT for the first time in lo-these-many-years that I've been moaning about bacon.

This is so predictable that I think everyone can jump in and sing the chorus with me: the best part of the sandwich was the tomato. It was delicious. Everything else was okay, and the bacon was... well, it was just the tough, oversalted side of a pig. But the tomato was really, really good. Eventually I pulled out the rest of the bacon and enjoyed a delicious LT.

*Sigh.* Well, I guess I can get on with my life now.

Posted by katie at July 18, 2007 09:13 PM | TrackBack

I agree. Meat is overrated.

Posted by: MoltenBoron at July 18, 2007 09:26 PM

I can tell you what's not overrated: vegan Oreo Cookie donuts. They're available from your local Voodoo Doughnuts or, since you don't have a local Voodoo Dougnuts, from my local Voodoo Doughnuts at SW 3rd and Ash. I have just finished my third donut since 6:00 this evening, and I am fully prepared both to sing their praises unto the heavens and simultaneously to join you in intense regretting. I should not have gotten a half-dozen fresh donuts just for myself. I live here now; the shop is ten minutes away and it is open 24 hours a day. Buying half a dozen does not mean I will calmly and rationally eat one donut a day for six days. None of this is sinking in.

Really, though? Of all the meat things I remember with weepy soft-focus fondness, bacon is pretty damn close to the top of the list. After today, because I never want to see another fried dessert again, bacon definitely tops apple fritters and that's saying something. Was it not crispy? Not deliciously salty? Not bursting with flavor? Memory, why do you deceive me so?

Posted by: Dianna at July 18, 2007 10:14 PM

For "dougnuts", please read "doughnuts". Dougnuts is a great word, but not what I meant to say.

Posted by: Dianna at July 18, 2007 10:15 PM

I used to live with a guy named Doug. I couldn't tell you whether his nuts were overrated, though.

On a more serious note, are these vegan Oreo Cookie doughnuts a local thing (like a specialty of the 24-hour Vegan Oreo Cookie Doughnut Shop) or is it packaged good that might, possibly, be available across the country in, for instance, New York? And, if the latter, do they have a brand name or a web site or something?

Posted by: MoltenBoron at July 19, 2007 07:09 AM

man, i love bacon. especially pepper bacon. i hate pork, but bacon is one of my favoritest things. especially in BTA's, (bacon, tomato, avocado, i don't like lettuce in my sandwich). so i'm both sorry you didn't like it, but also glad since you're a vegan again now (read: more bacon for me. and yeah, whatever, moral superiority for you).

Posted by: michele at July 19, 2007 08:38 AM

Moral superiority is pretty tasty. So is avocado, which is morally superior to just about every other food I've ever met.

Vegan Oreo Cookie donuts are indeed a specialty of the 24-hour nonstandard-donut shop (the adjective "nonstandard" is here used with feeling, as I believe I did see a maple-bacon donut on their website). They don't package or ship their donuts, apparently because the donuts don't arrive in good condition. But there's always Nutrilicious.

Posted by: Dianna at July 19, 2007 07:35 PM

Along similar lines, have you seen Bacon Salt? Apparently it's vegetarian. But then, so are Bacos, if I recall correctly. And I suppose baconish flavored condiments aren't really a substitute for greasy, crunchy actual-bacon.

Posted by: MoltenBoron at July 20, 2007 05:21 AM

B-b-b-bacon salt? Vegan oreo cookie donuts? BTAs? Gosh, I leave the computer for a day and the internet is offering me all kinds of deliciousness. This doesn't normally happen.

Except...yeah. I thought I loved bacon. I too remembered it weepily and through the Vaseline-greased lens of abstinence. And the bacon on my BLT was apparently everything bacon is supposed to be: it was crispy, it was flavorful (unfortunately, it was bacon flavored, which I seem to have lost my taste for), and it was quite greasy and salty and all the other things that bacon is supposed to be. But now I have a new plan: the TBALT, named for the coolest character in Romeo and Juliet. It's Tempeh Bacon-Avocado-Lettuce-Tomato. Doesn't that sound delicious?

It is definitely worth ordering some Nutrilicious donuts to New York. I wholeheartedly recommend the Chocolate Marble Swirl and the Old Fashioned Soy Yogurt Glazed. All of the spelt-based ones taste like barf.

Posted by: katie at July 20, 2007 09:45 AM

Hey, and in case anyone other than me has wondered what the world would be like if Dianna ran the government, we don't need to speculate any longer. Evidently her dessert-oriented priorities have been adopted by the US Geological Survey, as revealed in the SF Chronicle's article on the small earthquake in Oakland this morning:

A donut shop in the city's Elmwood District also had a cracked window, but remained open for business. "It was all pretty minor," said U.S. Geological Survey spokeswoman Leslie Gordon. "It didn't interrupt donut production."

Thank god.

Posted by: katie at July 20, 2007 09:58 AM

Are you mocking my platform, Miss Also-Ran W------? We'll see who's laughing after I'm elected -- actually, it won't be me because my mouth will be too full of perfectly legitimate campaign donations from the Vegan Desserts Lobby.

Corruption is delicious.

Also, I'm home sick from work today and I'm supposed to be eating soup and drinking tea and sleeping. Thanks to this thread, I'm gallantly saving a vegan sprinkled donut from sitting on the counter for another day.

Posted by: Dianna at July 20, 2007 10:09 AM

You know, I had this whole comment up here for a few minutes about editing out last names in comments and attempting to maintain some vestigal illusion of web-anonymity and making myself harder for my students to Google, but I've decided not to be so uptight and that I don't really give that much of a shit anyway. So even though the edits stay because I'm far too lazy to go back and un-edit comments, please disregard my earlier blah-blah-blah about all that crap.

Di, I'm so sorry you're sick, but I'm not sorry you're home eating vegan donuts. I hope that the deliciousness cures you. I am sitting on my ass eating cookies and counting the hours until the new Harry Potter book arrives in the mail. You, as I understand, will be getting it tonight at Powell's? I am so excited.

Posted by: katie at July 20, 2007 01:18 PM

In retrospect, be it uptight or not, I think you probably have the right idea. I have removed our mutual last name from any number of my own blog posts. So censor with impunity. Anyway, I didn't see the comment you had up before, because I spent the entire afternoon sleeping and having really fucking weird dreams.

I am now eating spicy Thai coconut soup out of a can (I am eating it out of a bowl, but it was previously in a can, lest you think that I am sufficiently ungroggy to go making my own soups at present). It has a thick layer of what appears to be chili oil floating on top, which I am spooning off and eating by itself on the grounds that it will either make me better or finish me off. Also, and I demand some kind of recognition for saying this, it is delicious.

I'm not going to the book-release party anymore, I don't think. As much as I want to, I think that tromping through the rain to go downtown and stay up late and give everyone my germs is probably not a better idea than finishing my soup and laying in bed with Book 4 until I fall asleep. I'm still tempted to go just long enough to pick up the book, but in my current state I seriously doubt I'll miss it if I just wait until tomorrow.

Posted by: Dianna at July 20, 2007 07:10 PM

Please allow me to offer you this outpouring of sympathy for your reduced condition: Oh! Woe! No!

Having now wailed, gnashed my teeth, and rent my garments, I may now turn in good conscience to my own self-interest once more. What brand of canned tom kha soup is it? I ask because, if it's the same kind they have in a store near me that I've always been both suspicious of and intrigued by, and you say it's delicious, I'm going to buy it.

OK, back to you. I take your point about not walking through the rain with a cold, etc, late at night. I hope that you burrito up warm to go get it tomorrow when you're feeling slightly better.

Posted by: katie at July 20, 2007 08:32 PM

I've actually heard that spicy foods help your immune system. They make your nose to run and, I don't know, drain the evil humours from your body.

Posted by: MoltenBoron at July 21, 2007 07:31 AM

I've heard this as well. For ye Galloping Consumption, stew ye Hotte Pepper from ye Colonies with bones of one Younge Male Chickene for One Sevenday. Feede to ye Patiente and Do Notte Allow any Drinkinge Watter.

Or something like that.

Posted by: Dianna at July 21, 2007 09:40 AM

Oh, and Katie, the soup is Amy's (what else?). I can't imagine you being particularly suspicious of it, though. What kind have you been seeing?

Posted by: Dianna at July 21, 2007 09:42 AM

Spicy foods help you get better because they make your insides a caustic and unfriendly environment that the germs can't wait to abandon.

Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that hot peppers have a fuckload of Vitamin C.

I've never seen Amy's canned coconut soup before. The kind I've been contemplating is a worryingly authentic-looking Thai export in a blue can, called Tiger Lotus or some shit. Amazingly, it doesn't have fish sauce in it, but it does have a slogan on the can that, if memory serves me correctly, says "Unleash the Flavor." I've been burned on some of these purchases from the Inscrutable Foreign Foods aisle before, so I'm a little wary.

Posted by: katie at July 21, 2007 12:08 PM